Николай Владимирович Лакутин - It was almost there. A play for 4 people. Comedy

me! Men are all goats, bastards, and parasites – this is an axiom. But the feminine gender – where not to spit – is a princess! Missed – goddess!

Nina (nervously, interrupting her husband's speech). So! Stop clowning around! I may not be a goddess, but you know, I'm still quite myself, by the way.

Oleg (discontentedly, rushing around the room, with sarcasm). That's what I'm talking about… What to yourself-to yourself. Not to yourself – to you, but to yourself-to yourself! When did this moment of switching from caring to selfishness just happen?

Nina (glancing at her husband with displeasure, hitting him). That's interesting to me.

Oleg (dissatisfied, after a short pause). So you're saying that I'm not taking care of you?

Nina (displeased). And then, as if you are showing?

Oleg (angrily, loudly). Yes, if he hadn't, he would have strangled him long ago, would have served time and come out with a clear conscience! You see, the neighbor wouldn't have had time to fix two more. And everything in my life would be tip-top. Do you even understand the sacrifices I'm making for you, the hardships???

Nina (sarcastically). Well, you just made me happy with your confession. Directly struck down. Right on the spot. Yes, how do you suffer so much for so many years, poor thing… You do so much for me, you hurt yourself so much for me. The sufferer. You're just my hero! Come quickly, I'll hug you, I'll caress you.

Oleg (dismissing him with displeasure).

Nina (calmly, a little playfully). Let's go together. Anyway, both you and I have a broken dream now. Maybe something will turn out, than the devil is not joking…

Oleg (pondering). But generally speaking, maybe and maybe. (Covering his mouth with his hand, softly, to the viewer, so that his wife does not hear.) While I remembered about the neighbor, it would be nice to put all this somewhere.

Nina (calmly, a little playfully). Okay, I'm going to the bathroom for a minute, then. Then I wait. Just don't forget to brush your teeth! Otherwise I won't give up!

Oleg (making a face). Oh, I scared you… Okay… I'll clean it.

They leave with an internal sediment and a weak anticipation.

ZTM.

Scene 3. The life of Danil and Irina.

Apartment of Danil and Irina.

A lyrical musical composition sounds, softly.

Danil and Irina are sitting on different sofas. Everyone is busy with their smartphone. They read something diligently, correspond with someone, watch news feeds on their devices, etc.

Irina (completely without emotions and any interest, without looking up from her smartphone). Danil, have you come yet?

There is a slight pause, Danil does not answer immediately, because he is very keen on correspondence in a smartphone.

Danil (completely without emotion and any interest, without looking up from the smartphone). And? Irishka, yes, I'm home. I got free early today, I've even managed to roll up a couple of rolls. How are you?

Irina (with interest in the dialogue on the web, not to her husband, without looking up from her smartphone, actively typing some text and mechanically pronouncing it). Yes… It's okay, it's good to see you. Nothing, I live. Do you remember Danka? Well, he's kind of dumb. He kept hitting on me while we were making out in your room. So I married him. Although he is not strong in mind, but he was punchy, nimble. That's what I bet on. But, alas, zero fell out. In short, by zeros. And how are you? Is the redhead still pining for you, or is it already in the past?

Danil is just now looking up from the phone, he did not listen / did not hear everything that was said before the words about the redhead.

Danil (cautiously, with interest, looking at Irina). Which redhead?

Irina shudders, wakes up, realizes that she answered the message out loud.

Danil (cautiously, with interest, looking at Irina). Is your friend Natasha pouring into your ears again about me? There was no such thing at all…

Irina feels like she's in a frying pan, trying to figure out what to do. Puts the smartphone aside, navigates the situation. She looks suspiciously at Danil, she doesn't understand what he's talking about, but it's for the best. She guesses that he missed most of her words, which is incredibly pleasing.

Danil (cautiously, with interest, looking at Irina). Why are you looking at me like that? Don't you believe it?

Irina looks with a penetrating look.

Danil changes tactics.

Danil (wriggling out). Ahhh, so you're probably talking about Masha. Masha, yes, red. I didn't even think about it right away. That's right, I met her at the market the other day. Well, Masha is Antokhin's sister.

Irina looks with suspicion and misunderstanding.

Danil (twisting out, convincingly explaining). Yes, my one-size-fits-all, Anton. Don't you remember him? He's so patchy… (He waves it off.) It doesn't matter. So this is his older sister. She helped us sometimes at school. Anton and I didn't really drag, but she just fumbled. Well, we met, got to know each other, and exchanged a couple of phrases. That's it.

Irina (with suspicion). All?

Danil (convincingly). And what else?

Irina (with suspicion, knowing Danil and his habits, coming up on the go). How can I tell you… as far as I am informed, you were smiling so interestingly at each other that, as it were… The question arises, is there something hidden behind these smiles?

Danil (convincingly). Irka, what are you doing? I'm telling you, slap your informants in the ears so that they don't spread nonsense beyond their inflamed imagination.

Irina (with suspicion, knowing Danil and his habits). Watch me!

Irina sighs with relief and picks up her smartphone again.

Danil (changing the subject). I'm looking, but I wonder where you're looking all the time!

Irina is straining. Silent. Waiting for explanations.

Danil (attacking). I'm not coming home from work, so you're all right completely and completely in your smartphone. I understand that in recent years you have been living not with me, but with him.

Irina (startled, interrupting). With whom, with him???

Danil (calmly explaining). With a smartphone!

Irina (relieved). And… well… yes… Well, too, it's not that I live directly.

Danil (more emotionally). You're not getting out of it!

Irina (defiantly). Oh, and you're just climbing out!

Danil (excited). I'm working for a second! And at home I want to relax, I have the right to sit, play and chat. Who else should I talk to at home? Not with you, right?

Irina (defiantly). But at least!

Danil (putting aside the phone, which, though without attention, he still held in his hand all this time). Well, come on, let's try, let's talk.

Irina also puts her phone aside.

Both turn to each other. They look at each other. Even from time to time they take a breath in their chest, and as if they are going to start a conversation, but at the last moment they change their mind, turn their gazes to the side.

In general, they have nothing to talk about.

Several attempts on both sides to speak.

Silence.

Danil (nodding to the situation, philosophically). We had a great conversation.

Everyone is reaching for their smartphone again, and they continue to spend their time and attention on the virtual world.

ZTM.

Scene 4. Conversation of Danil and Oleg.

Late evening. Street. Yard.

Darkness. Female moans, shouts and other echoes characteristic of intimate and satisfying active activity are heard. Male moans are less vivid, but also present in this idyll.

The light turns on smoothly, Oleg and Danil, leaning on some element of the playground (or some other yard piece of architecture) with bottles of something wrapped (supposed beer), talk casually, look enthusiastically at the window of a high-rise building, "spend time --">