Виктор Александрович Миловидов - Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы

it on. There was a large bird cage with a parrot sitting in it. The parrot looked at the burglar and said, «I see you and Jesus sees you.» The burglar just grinned and went to work filling his bag and left the light in the room on. He had his bag about half full when he turned to look at the parrot again, this time he noticed that a Doberman Pincher was lying under the table that the bird cage was on. The parrot stared at the burglar and then said, «Sick him, Jesus.»

Study the words and expressions given below:

burglar взломщик

total полный; полностью

"goodies"сленг добро

faint слабый

to freeze замораживаться, застывать

to resume возобновлять, приниматься снова

search поиск

to puzzle ставить в тупик

equal равный

curious любопытный

to scare пугать

motionless неподвижный

switch выключатель

parrot попугай

to grin усмехаться, ухмыляться

for a while в течение некоторого времени

to break into вломиться

to work one's way through (toward) прокладывать путь через (к)

to scare the hell out of sb чертовски испугать

to have sth about half full иметь что-л. наполненным наполовину

to feel around пощупать вокруг

Sick him! Взять! / Фас!

Exercises to the text

1. Answer the questions to the text:

1. What did the burglar hear when he was working his way through the house?

2. What room was he looking for?

3. What did the voice say?

4. What did the burglar feel around for?

5. Who was sitting in the cage?

6. Who was lying under the table that the bird cage was on?

7. What do you think happened to the burglar after the parrot had ordered the Pincher to do his stuff?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:

1. He waited to see what ______ happen.

2. The burglar heard nothing and ______ his search.

3. This was ______ to the burglar and he was about ______ curious and scared.

4. He began ______ his way toward the voice.

5. This scared ______ out of the burglar.

6. He ______ around and found ______ and turned it on.

7. The parrot looked at the burglar and said, «I see you and ______ sees you.»

3. Match the two parts of each sentence:

4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:

5. Translate from Russian into English:

1. Взломщик вломился в дом поздно ночью, в полной темноте.

2. Он остановился и прислушивался некоторое время.

3. Он стал искать комнату со всем добром.

4. Он едва понял эти слова.

5. Это заставило взломщика просто застыть.

6. Он возобновил свои поиски.

7. Взломщик был в равной степени испуган и заинтригован.

Revise English Grammar

В предложении The burglar stood motionless for about five minutes and heard no further noises слова minutes и noises стоят в форме множественного числа. Они образованы путем прибавления окончания -s к основе слов minute минута и noise шум.

Слово goodies также стоит во множественном числе, но образовано оно от слова goody и, очевидно, по другим правилам. По каким?

Проверьте свои навыки образования формы множественного числа имен существительных (для справки см. грамматический комментарий, раздел 2, с. 240).

6. Put the words from the text into Plural form and read them according to the rules:

burglar

hell

journey

bird

house

minute

room

cage

night

noise

time

parrot

way

light

search

bag

voice

switch

puzzle

table

7. Render the joke.

Section 3 Dead Dog

A woman goes to the vet. She says, «Doctor, I think there's something wrong with my dog. He hasn't moved all day.»

The vet examines the dog and says, «I'm sorry. I'm afraid your dog is dead.»

«Dead! How can he be dead? He was just fine yesterday. Are you sure he's dead? Isn't there some other test you can run?»

The vet leaves and returns in a moment with a pet carrying case. He opens the case and a large cat emerges. The cat plods over to the dog and sniffs around its head. It then circles the dog, sniffing and poking around. After a minute or two the cat returns to its cage.

«Well,» says the vet, «that pretty much proves it. He's dead.»

«I guess you're right,» says the woman. She is coming to grips with what happened. «At least you did your best. How much do I owe you?»

«$230.»

«$230?! For what? All you did was tell me my dog was dead. What did you do that costs $230?»

«Well it's $30 for the office visit,» says the vet, «and $200 for the cat scan.»

Study the words and expressions given below:

vet сокр. разг.veterinary ветеринарный врач

to emerge появляться, возникать

to plod тащиться, передвигаться с трудом

to sniff нюхать, обнюхивать

to poke тыкать; совать(ся)

grip захват; способность понять, осознать что-л.

to guess догадываться

to owe быть должным

to scan сканировать, исследовать

to run a test провести анализ

that pretty much proves it разг. это со --">